You are a fool if you think Elvis is still alive. You are a fool if you have never watched a sunset. And you are a fool if you think you are going to find a perfect partner for yourself in my community, or in any other society.

Dating back to the 1950s, there have been four waves of Iranian immigrants that have successfully made it to the United States. Although most of them were considered to be elite and educated, many of them experienced a strong cultural shock upon their arrival.

The first and second wave of Iranian immigrants primarily migrated to the United States for economic and professional opportunities. However, the third and fourth waves of Iranian immigrants were impelled to flee Iran by different circumstances. Included in this group of people are most of our parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and other members of our extended families.

Circa 1979, the third wave of Iranian immigrants arrived to the United States directly before and after the Iranian revolution. This wave of immigrants escaped Iran in hopes of finding political, religious, and economic security. Depression, frustration, alienation, anxiety, and betrayal, among other feelings, inundated these people who were leaving a country they once called home.

Just imagine the burden of leaving your profession, your home, your belongings, and even worse, your family. “So why the brief history?†you may ask. “Rodney, is this really relevant to me?†If you think these incidents have not manifested themselves into your personality, your attitude, and essentially, who you are today, once again, you are a fool.

These experiences, whether we like them or not, have been passed down to us. We are what our parents have taught us to be. And lessons from our parents and our family surroundings have turned themselves into projections of our subconscious.

I cannot label or declare that all of our culture’s values are either good or bad, but let’s reevaluate some of our values: Individualistic, proud, relentless, and judgmental, to name a few. These values have been transferred to us through a cycle. These are characteristics that most of us have learned from our parents, and that they have learned from their parents, and so on and so forth.

If we integrate all of the aforementioned incidents, qualities, and feelings, we will be able to determine that they all seem to be ignited by one word: FEAR. And what goes hand in hand with fear? Insecurity. Time and time again, I witness similar incidents that suggested questions like: “Why did this guy stop expressing interest in me?†or “Who the heck does this woman think she is?†All these questions sprout from the same root: insecurity.

The first step in fixing this problem in our society is simple: be aware of all aspects of any given situation. We all have this bit of fear, mistrust, and uncertainty built up inside of us. Let’s acknowledge this and make a concerted effort to eliminate this.

My point is, whether you belong to the Iranian community, laden with rich culture and revisable values, we can all agree that Elvis isn’t alive, that a sunset is beautiful, and that nobody—not me, not you, and not your mother—is perfect. Let’s move past the fear. Nothing is scary, and everything is fine.

So take the initiative and talk to that cute girl you’ve been wanting to talk to; we are all rooting for you! On the other hand, ladies, please, the first guy you date and kiss will not be prince charming and you will not live happily ever after. Yes, you will probably get hurt. And that’s okay. You will not die, I promise. In fact, the first, second, third, and maybe even the fourth is probably not going to be him either!