They are not only exemplary, but also lights shining in the dark for those who are still struggling to become their better selves. How many concerns are there for us women? Our jobs, our husbands, the life-styles we are accustomed to, what if we cannot make it on our own, what about our children, our women-hood, and the list goes endless with the â€œwhat if’s,â€ and the â€œhowsâ€ ?
Crushed for centuries, we took it up on ourselves the role that we learned throughout the ages: submission. Thankfully we also questioned it. And, we finally decided, despite that it was not always easy or simple, that women can prosper on their own. Most of the times much better off on their own, even if it takes a world of courage to change, than in situations that torture the soul! Although mostly goes unnoticed, it is a very common phenomenal in today’s society: women stay in subordinate situations due to fear.
We did not have someone coming down from up above holding up a blackboard declaring: â€œyou women, this is what you need to do,â€ and listing the steps while assuring us that all will be okay in the end. No, we are habitual creatures as all creatures are; believing is some passed-down â€œprogrammingâ€ that is very real and genetically coded. I intentionally do not want to use the phrase that it is â€œa psychologically conditioned mind-runner,â€ but it almost literally is, and the mind uses that information every day in everything we do. And, as we know it from science, to change that programming may take a few generations. But we also know that we do not NEED to wait for generations to evolve us out of this dilemma. As these extraordinary women of the Alliance of Women in Media show us, and as neuroscience started to recognize, we have the power to change this programming and the brain’s habitual conditioning at will.
This is something we feel intuitively, but â€œfeeling itâ€ is not accepted in society at large as a way of â€œknowing something for a fact,â€ nor it is enough to actually create a change in the thinking process itself. (The thinking-feeling, feeling-thinking feedback mechanism that is recognized in neuroscience is more real than most of us understand.)
When the ultimate thinking does not change nothing has really changed. So, ladies, we need to change our thinking and our minds! That is what it takes. A choice, a decision.
Coincidentally enough, we also know from biology that women’s brain is structured very differently from men’s. And, sorry you guys, but from the evolutionary point of you, we, women, are better equipped, to drive evolution faster ahead than you do, due to the ability of multi-tasking and surrender, which are qualities men’s brain cannot do on an automatic pilot. They would need to literally learn them and rewire their brain.
Just to perk up the readers of this article I will use an old clichÃ© and say that although â€œmen are the crowns of creation,â€ we also know that it is only possible because of women. And, while we, women, used to feel subordinate to men due to general conditioning from the Dark Ages to this day, we have passed the point of no return in the evolutionary chain. There is no going back now. Not to say that some backlash isn’t still in the â€œback of our minds,â€ but, knowing the facts today about the brain-functions of women, it is our duty to actually put it to the test and evolve society at large.
So, the old paradigm that â€œmen need women and women need men,â€ while remains true, it does not imply the same meaning anymore. By putting â€œconsciousnessâ€ into the picture (which all by itself is a very challenging task indeed) we can easily see that each sex can be whole, free and happy within themselves independently of one another, and chose to be together for joy if they will, and not out of necessity. Even in a material world. Women in general have not viewed the world this way up until now.
Therefore, in my vocabulary real â€œtogethernessâ€ means that we are together in our individual selves, each fulfilling the highest of our individual potentials to contribute to the betterment of the world, each in their own unique ways without expectations from the other to change or possess: I can give to you when I am so fulfilled that the overflow inspires me to share my life with you. How much happier men would be about this approach as well! They are now needed because we love them and not because we â€œneedâ€ them!
Without going into the science of how the brain works, the very fact that these amazing and exemplary women who were publicly recognized at the Gracies Awards go out there every single day and reinforce in their minds who they are, and who they are NOT, means that they recognize their greatness and take the courage to be that very essence themselves, which most women still are afraid to do. Why? Sometimes, it is as simple as â€œnot wanting to upset the boss, the status quo, the system, the establishment, the chain of command, etcâ€¦ â€ In one simple phrase: due to the fear of the unknown.
The problem is not that women do not try. The problem is that most women do not understand what they are capable of achieving: their own power, their natural gift of thinking in ways that literally enables them to create in ways that men could never do, and due to the fear of the unknown they give up sometimes even before they really start. That is the point when you want to look to these women who never gave up. Instead, they lit a fire that although seems frightening, is warming and nurturing at the same time.
Women are able to think in complex ways while men are linear. Men think strategically, in practical step-by-step (what is your objective?) kind of a way, which propels a single-minded focus and that lets them achieve that one goal at a time, which is why they are born providers. And, they do this mostly without understanding the various outcomes of a situation that women’s brains are so equipped to map out in a matter of minutes BEFORE anything has ever even happened yet.
Men might realize some of what women are able to â€œknow ahead of time,â€ but only after it has all been said and done, and also experienced, but not before. And, that, sometimes as we know from countless relationships, is already â€œtoo late.â€ This is where lots of the arguments are born between a man and a woman. She sees the whole picture, he sees in linear terms, he is a hunter. Naturally, at the end of the day, all this seems comic, yet is the seed of all problems.
Trying to change this genetic coding, I believe is a mistake. The real question is: would it even be necessary?
While women are â€œlostâ€ in the â€œwhy, how,â€ and all other â€œwhat-ifsâ€ , seeing the whole picture, men are out there to do, and do it now, not tomorrow or some other time, or â€œI will think about it,â€ they are out there to make things happen, and hunt things down without the fears of the â€œwhat-ifsâ€ , and the million different possibilities of outcomes of a situation. For better or worse of course!
If women however were able to make that one step forward, that one more evolutionary move: to become able to provide for themselves without expecting a struggle, a fight and other fearful events, there would be a lot of hidden energy freeing up and technically have a healing affect on both sexes. Dependence and submission would disappear, rulership would find itself unproductive, and the tension these dependencies caused would evaporate.
When a person drifts with life because it is easy, they will feel certain unhappiness, boredom, emptiness, and the monotone tasks they run like a machine may even create various addictions despite of financial stability. But, when someone is living their own path, although it may not be an easy one, they will be in joy all the time. Now they have a purpose, and when one has a purpose they will get rid of every obstacle that may interfere with that purpose. Some women identify themselves with their man and when that man is gone, they feel purposeless, hopeless and lost. That is not only a mistake, but it has a devastating effect that can last for literally decades. Something that cannot be resolved in a psychologist’s office even tens of thousands of dollars later.
But, if they consciously watch their thinking, question their minds (which then unveils habitual thinking that tells you ideas that are not even true,) and they set a purpose and focus on that purpose with such intensity that the body and the mind start working together giving them an open heart and a receptivity to the universe in every second, â€“ they will find joy, happiness and fulfillment. The athletes call this: â€œbeing in the zone.â€ This is when you are in â€œyour element.â€ and â€œthings just fall into place.â€ This is when you take your power back and you know in your heart that you are on your own path. No man can give you then the joy that you can give to yourself.
If we bring in science, according to quantum physics, the environment is an extension of the mind. The way you think today will influence tomorrow. The way you used to think in the past is what is presented today in your immediate circumstances. The one you are today is not who you are, but who you USED to be! Knowledge is power and your mind will use it to empower you â€“ if you allow it to!
What the saluted members of the Alliance of Women in Media teach us is that â€œWE CAN,’ and that the â€œFUTURE IS NOW!â€ Not any other time, but NOW! The past has past, and the future is only in your mind conditioned based on some past experience that the mind projects according to your beliefs into the future. If the future feels better than the past, it gives you hope. If it feels worse than the past it makes you despair. Both are illusions. Everything is and only ever happening in the now. Be in the now and dare to walk straight into the direction of your destination (destiny) without questioning yourself (your essence, the immaterial part of you,) but constantly monitoring and questioning your mind as it may start chattering old programming and pull you back into old habits.
If you trust yourself and your abilities, you will know what to do when the time comes. You will be given what you need when it is needed, but not sooner and not later. That silent watcher in you who knows the truth and whispers to you if you only listen to it will tell you what to do and when to do it. That is your immaterial self that belongs to the higher intelligence we know exists. If you listen to it and trust it, it will feed you and direct you.
What would you say to your 13 year old self, (who by the way shapes your future, sometimes up to the day of your death, unless you become conscious sometime in your life prior to that point) was the question the main sponsor, Dove, asked in an effort to empower women at the Award dinner.
Being a very shy, insecure, almost frightened and insignificant little girl at the age of 13 myself, yet blossoming into a beauty and quite a strong personality without â€œknowing it,â€ I would say to myself: Just be yourself ! You are good enough! You are not only good enough, but you are absolutely and positively equipped in every living moment with every single â€œthingâ€ you need to know, or have, in that very moment, to get from here to wherever you need to go, if you only listen to â€œitâ€ and BELIEVE in â€œit.â€ And â€œit â€œwill continuously support your very own self throughout your journey, IF you keep on believing â€œitâ€ despite the outside world: No matter what happens, I know where I am going!
Nobody said that the journey would be easy, but I say, it certainly will be worth it! In the final analysis, and in the end, â€“ not that there really is an end, â€“ it’s all going to be about how much you laughed and how much you really enjoyed your life- and this, I know for sure!
I wanted to close this article with Suze Orman, who I look up to for her work and generosity. She expressed some of what I am writing about here by calling on women to become independent financially and stay that way. Not only she is right, but if women do this, they will bring about a whole new world! And, in that world men and women will equally feel much more appreciated!